Tag: positivity

The Fittest Person in the “Room”

This was taken at my highest weight of around 275 lbs, almost 4 years ago.
This was taken at my highest weight of around 275 lbs, almost 4 years ago.

I spent a large portion of my life being a large person. Up until about 30, to be precise. When you lose the amount of weight I have, your mind takes much longer to catch up. I’m fit now, not skinny, not thin, but fit. Even so, as a woman, there are times when I feel less than fit. The other night I was walking through Target to grab copy paper and a jar of PB2 and I felt chubby. Now sure, it was probably the combination of hormones and water retention coupled with the jean shorts I was wearing pushing the small amount of excess skin at my waist into a muffin top, but I felt it. It happens sometimes, ya know?

This was taken 10 months after the first photos, 3 years ago, after I'd lost about 50 lbs.
This was taken 10 months after the first photos, 3 years ago, after I’d lost about 50 lbs.

As as we approached the checkout, I looked around. I was one of the fittest (most fit? grammarians help me out here) people that I could see.

The photo on the right was taken in October 2013, almost exactly 2 years after the first one.
The photo on the right was taken in October 2013, almost exactly 2 years after the first one.

Please understand that I am not putting the other people down, not at all! I used to be one of the FATTEST people in the room. The point is that our minds are not very good at realizing what we actually look like. Even our mirrors’ reflections are not an accurate depiction of what we look like to others. Have you ever taken a selfie and your phone flipped it around for you and you went “is THAT what I really look like?” We’ll never know what we actually look like to other people.

And this, October 2014. I had to sell that corset because it was too big, boo.
And this, October 2014. I had to sell that corset because it was too big, boo. Those boots totally wrecked my feet, too. I mean, what idiot wears HEELS to the Ren Faire?

Am I perfectly fit with 10% body fat and no excess skin or stretch marks? HELL NO! But I’ve blossomed, inside and out. Sure, it’s scary sometimes to not have the weight to hide behind anymore. But at 34 years old, I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been in my life. My new found confidence has helped me try things I wouldn’t have had the metaphorical balls to try before, and it’s made me new friends! And I feel no shame at all in sharing these less than flattering photos with you, because it’s me in that body, too. My new body isn’t my dream body: I’m broad at the top with narrow hips. But it’s MY body and it deserves the care I give it.

Taken August 10, 2015. Wearing this down the shore was one of the most terrifying things I've done. A glance along the beach, though, calmed my fears. Just wear what you want!
Taken August 10, 2015. Wearing this down the shore was one of the most terrifying things I’ve done. A glance along the beach, though, calmed my fears. Just wear what you want!

So if you’re in the process of your journey, and you’re feeling down, look at how far you’ve come instead of how far you need to go. Because someday you may wake up and, despite feeling down on yourself, be one of the fittest people in the room. Also, take lots of pictures, and post more than just the “perfect” ones. Life’s too short to hide ourselves.

How I Found Fun, Friends and Motivation Through Walking

10801752_10155058333195655_7606869469358202838_nThis winter was bad for me. Not only was The Hubs working different shifts than I, he was working different DAYS than I was. The alarm would go off at 5:30, and I didn’t have to leave for work until 9. (Coincidentally, this is how I got into the habit of morning exercise, all that time to kill!) I had off Sundays and Mondays, and The Hubs had off Thursdays and Fridays. It was a lot of alone time (Bingley is great company but he doesn’t talk much) and while I would never describe myself as a “social butterfly” I most certainly get energy from hanging out with other people, especially when those other people are generally upbeat. I developed a rather intense case of anxiety in the cold and dark (which turns out to have been my brain working overtime to figure out an internal dilemma and has since mostly resolved) and I craved social interaction. Despite this craving, I also suffer from a bit of social anxiety, at least when talking to strangers. And yes, you can totally be a extrovert and have social anxiety.

Bingley and I spent much of late winter and early spring like this.
Bingley and I spent much of late winter and early spring like this.

I decided that the solution to being lonely was not being alone! I decided to try two new things: volunteering at the shelter, of which I’ve already written, and finding a Meetup Group of like-minded people. For those of you who don’t know, Meetup.com is a website where you can find local groups of people with common interests. The former was a relatively easy task: I needed only to apply, take a short class or two, and I was in. The latter was a bit more difficult.

I’m a married woman in her mid-30s who doesn’t really drink, and I also don’t have a ton of spare cash, so any activity involving eating out frequently or with a regular “buy in” just wasn’t going to work for me. It took me a while to join a few meet ups, and even longer to decide to show up for one: a local walking group, consisting mostly of ladies and taking place not on Saturday, when I’d be at work, but on Sunday mornings. BINGO!

I arrived early (as is my norm) at the park one cool Sunday morning and hesitantly approached the woman who resembled the woman in the leader’s photograph on my Meetup app, Laurie. I introduced myself after confirming who she was, and put at ease pretty quickly. Laurie took a few minutes to explain a few things about the group, like how we would walk at all different parks, or in the mall in the winter, and how we had different people who walked a different paces, and how sometimes we’d go out for coffee or breakfast. Soon a few other regulars showed up and it was made clear very quickly that this was a fun, talkative, friendly and very welcoming group! I had so much fun that first day that I was soon going every week. It wasn’t long before I was a “regular”! One of the other regulars, Sharon, mentioned she co-lead the walking group for our local Adventure Run, and I figured I’d give that a shot, too, since I had mentioned I was learning to be a runner.

Since then, I’ve also started spending Wednesday evenings working out with a few of the ladies in their apartment gym, and sharing my love of kettlebells! It’s really awesome to have found a group of people I really love seeing at least once a week, usually twice. I love that we have a shared adoration of exercise and the outdoors, and that we love discovering new parts of New Jersey together. I love that we’re also unique and different, but can appreciate each other’s differences, like a bunch of pieces of a quilt that form a cool interlacing pattern. And I really love all the stuff I’ve done since joining!

Without my walking group, I wouldn’t have done the following things:

  • Adventure Run
  • Discovered Road Runner Sports
  • Gotten awesome running shoes
  • The 4H Mud Run
  • Met awesome friends

    IMG_20150705_095532144
    The Regulars
  • Discovered local parks I didn’t know about
  • Gotten this awesome picture of Bingley next to a giant stone teddy bear11221649_10155566737800655_348163405610812960_n
  • Uttered the phrase “the beaver is my spirit animal”
  • Gotten so many amazing pictures of flowers21828_10155497186260655_7264747933608538101_n
  • Been remotely motivated to get my day started on Sundays!

We support each other, motivate each other to try new things, and work on our health while we do it!

Have you tried Meetup.com? Will you?

Body Shaming – Just Say No

This morning I had a great run, beating my previous pacing personal record. While taking my shower I was listening to The Morning Stream Episode 846, one of my favorite podcasts. Scott Johnson, Justin Robert Young (filling in for Brian Ibbott) and The Fitness Geek Bill Doran (of Punished Props fame) were discussing body shaming, and I thought it might be a good idea to talk a little about that here.

"Yeah that's right, I'm awesome and I have pizza."
“Yeah that’s right, I’m awesome and I have pizza.”

In my 34 years on this earth I’ve learned a lot about what it’s like to be made fun of for what I look like. You may look at my profile photo or my current Instagram photos and be confused by this if you don’t know my history. (And if you don’t know my history you obviously haven’t read my blog from the beginning, and shame on you! 😉 ) From my birth until high school, I was a chubby kid. There are various photos of me with food in front of me, starting at an Easter Egg Hunt when I wasn’t quite two years old, as my adoptive mom shoves a Butterscotch Tastykake into my mouth. A few years later, a photo shows me enjoying a slice of what looks to be delicious cheese pizza. I’m still chubby. At the time, it was called “baby fat”. When I got into grade school I was teased about my weight. I was often heavier than the other kids, and as luck would have it, I was also taller than most other kids. In high school, I sprouted, and the increase in my height plus my more active lifestyle trimmed me down a bit, but even so, I was teased. “The Big Girl” I was called. Because I was “tall” they told me, but I knew what they meant. Another student was constantly berated for her thinness. “Eat a sandwich!” Continue reading “Body Shaming – Just Say No”