The Fittest Person in the “Room”

This was taken at my highest weight of around 275 lbs, almost 4 years ago.
This was taken at my highest weight of around 275 lbs, almost 4 years ago.

I spent a large portion of my life being a large person. Up until about 30, to be precise. When you lose the amount of weight I have, your mind takes much longer to catch up. I’m fit now, not skinny, not thin, but fit. Even so, as a woman, there are times when I feel less than fit. The other night I was walking through Target to grab copy paper and a jar of PB2 and I felt chubby. Now sure, it was probably the combination of hormones and water retention coupled with the jean shorts I was wearing pushing the small amount of excess skin at my waist into a muffin top, but I felt it. It happens sometimes, ya know?

This was taken 10 months after the first photos, 3 years ago, after I'd lost about 50 lbs.
This was taken 10 months after the first photos, 3 years ago, after I’d lost about 50 lbs.

As as we approached the checkout, I looked around. I was one of the fittest (most fit? grammarians help me out here) people that I could see.

The photo on the right was taken in October 2013, almost exactly 2 years after the first one.
The photo on the right was taken in October 2013, almost exactly 2 years after the first one.

Please understand that I am not putting the other people down, not at all! I used to be one of the FATTEST people in the room. The point is that our minds are not very good at realizing what we actually look like. Even our mirrors’ reflections are not an accurate depiction of what we look like to others. Have you ever taken a selfie and your phone flipped it around for you and you went “is THAT what I really look like?” We’ll never know what we actually look like to other people.

And this, October 2014.                    I had to sell that corset because it was too big, boo.
And this, October 2014. I had to sell that corset because it was too big, boo. Those boots totally wrecked my feet, too. I mean, what idiot wears HEELS to the Ren Faire?

Am I perfectly fit with 10% body fat and no excess skin or stretch marks? HELL NO! But I’ve blossomed, inside and out. Sure, it’s scary sometimes to not have the weight to hide behind anymore. But at 34 years old, I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been in my life. My new found confidence has helped me try things I wouldn’t have had the metaphorical balls to try before, and it’s made me new friends! And I feel no shame at all in sharing these less than flattering photos with you, because it’s me in that body, too. My new body isn’t my dream body: I’m broad at the top with narrow hips. But it’s MY body and it deserves the care I give it.

Taken August 10, 2015. Wearing this down the shore was one of the most terrifying things I've done. A glance along the beach, though, calmed my fears. Just wear what you want!
Taken August 10, 2015. Wearing this down the shore was one of the most terrifying things I’ve done. A glance along the beach, though, calmed my fears. Just wear what you want!

So if you’re in the process of your journey, and you’re feeling down, look at how far you’ve come instead of how far you need to go. Because someday you may wake up and, despite feeling down on yourself, be one of the fittest people in the room. Also, take lots of pictures, and post more than just the “perfect” ones. Life’s too short to hide ourselves.

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10 comments

  1. Well said! (And don’t forget . . . . you’ve got legs! Legs that have an ankle and a calf and a great
    shape.) What I always loved about the shore/beach is the older women – once I even saw one with
    a walker! – who put on a bathing suit and got into the water and enjoyed life and themselves despite
    their age, infirmities, or looks. It’s confidence, honesty, and happiness – just where we all should be!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Exactly! You’re there to enjoy the beach, not worry about what people are thinking. And thank you for the legs compliment, they’re getting better and better looking over time, too. 🙂 I just bought 3 new skirts to show them off.

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  2. The mind is such a powerful thing. The part that really resonated with me was this….”We’ll never know what we actually look like to other people” This is why we have to try to stop thinking about what others think, or at the very least not allow their thoughts to stop us from living now.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve had those moments of noticing that I’m one of or the most fittest person in the room/place too. It is weird when you are used to being one of the bigger ones. And I also do that without judgment it’s simply an awareness that is different than it was before.
    I hear ya on the bigger shoulders/narrow hips…but one of the things I love about Stacey London and her newest show Love, Lust, or Run on TLC is that she focuses on helping people love themselves just as they are and gets them to instead of blaming their body for things not looking good on you, you blame the clothes for not being right for your body. It’s the clothes that are wrong/not flattering not you. She’s been there done that with the whole body dismorphia and so loves helping women start to love themselves just as they are.
    And what I see in your photos is that you’ve always been beautiful and still are of course. It seems that once you started losing weight you started feeling sexy because your photos are very sexy and you look smokin’ hot all during your weight loss. The weight lost didn’t change your beauty one bit if anything your confidence was brought out because of the successful journey causing you to shine. But of course your health and fitness is what benefits the most and is what it’s really about and I feel your photos prove that.
    ALSO I feel it’s good to remember that although useful photos are a less accurate view of what you look like to others than the mirror because the lens distorts the view, it does NOT see like eyes do. So you can take extremely unflattering to extremely flattering photos, true it’s all you but it could be distorted so no one should take a bad photo too seriously it can make arms that are 4 inches wide look 8 depending on the angle and closeness to the lens. I believe bad/unflattering photos can really play into body dismorphia so I try not to let them have that ability and instead look at it like what went wrong with the photo to make it look like that. (Similar to the clothes being wrong for your body, the photo wasn’t taken right for your body because of x,y,z.) I’ve taken to noticing my reflection randomly around places and I feel like that is more of a glimpse of what other people are seeing. I still love a good photo though!!! LOL

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  4. Another inspiring blog! I love the last paragraph especially as a message to others. Your pictures are really great and I love how they show you really living life. You look great in your swimsuit! Its hard for me to wear things I’m not used to too, even if I thought I look good in it.

    Like

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