It’s been a while since I really talked about myself here.
In March I moved out of the apartment I shared with my husband into a place of my own. It has been and adjustment. I’ve been much happier since I moved, but I’ve felt like I really needed to recede a little bit to adapt to my new solitary lifestyle. My free time has been limited, but life in general has been good. 🙂
Simply moving took a lot out of me, and there were/are planned trips that take me away from home, and there’s been a health problem I’ve been dealing with. In early April I had solid week of pretty scary heart palpitations. I saw a cardiologist last week and had a second ekg and he said both are normal. In all likelihood it was a temporary hormone spike, and on May 30th I had an echocardiogram and was hooked up to a Holter monitor for 4 days just as a final check to make sure there’s nothing actually wrong with my heart. The echocardiogram came back normal and I’ll find out this week if the Holter recorded anything of interest, but we’re all pretty sure my heart is totally fine. As a child I had a heart click so I’m totally fine with a little extra testing, but it was worrisome for a bit.
Add to that some abandonment crap that’s been welling up in my head the last week or so and I just haven’t been in the best state of mind. The truth is, life can go along swimmingly for a bit and then suddenly decide to smack you around a bit. When I’m accosted by these bouts of abandonment, I completely go into my own head. Everything is suddenly my fault, even though it can’t possibly be. In these times my brain decides to whisper lies to me, lies that undermine my self confidence. Lies that tell me I’m not worth the trouble of knowing. Lies that tell me that no matter my intentions, I’m destined to hurt people I care about, just by being me. And in those times I wonder if I’m even a good person.
Life, in general anyway, is good, despite the constant barrage of brain junk trying to convince me otherwise. But this blog has, as of late, become a struggle for me. I’ve put my mask on here, and the content I’ve been producing (when I actually sit and write, which is rare) has been sub par. I’ve lost the spark of creativity, and that knowledge saddles me with guilt: both that I may be letting you down by not posting enough and that when I do post it feels inauthentic to me. I want to regain that zest for blogging, that desire to create content that *I* love, and in turn, you will love. To do that, I think I need to lift the burden of posting for a short while, to take away the weight of obligation and re-center myself back into the right head space.
For the last year my short term goal has been to gain financial independence and be able to live on my own. I have achieved that, and my new home is my sanctuary: a place I enjoy being. I need to find my next goal, and formulate my plan of attack. That plan will definitely involve A Measured Life. For now, my plan is to return some time in July, so I shouldn’t be gone long. In the meantime, please keep watch on my Instagram account where I will continue to post my meals. I’ll also still be contributing to Blazing Caribou Studios both as a blogger for Recipe for History and as co-host for the Feast on History podcast. I hope you’ll join me there in the meantime.
Lastly, I promised you pictures from my trip to the Dominican Republic, and here they are:
I truly appreciate all of your support throughout the years and I hope you stick around and keep an eye out for my return. ❤